I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please don't give away my fajitas
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
