There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
