I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
