Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
