Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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