i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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