your parents love me but you hate me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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