that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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