dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
