I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
