did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
