What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, beer. Big fan.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
