I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
