you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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