remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
