oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Shame - the story of my life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
