Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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