I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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