After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
