He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Sober January is a disaster.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
