im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
