is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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