did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
