Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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