My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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