My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
