I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
