My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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