They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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