I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
