I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
