Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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