Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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