im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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