im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
