call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
