Plan B is the new Plan A
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
