..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
