3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
