i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
