Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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