I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
