I think this baby is eyeing my beer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
