Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
