Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
