i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
