I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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