Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
