I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
