I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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