It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sext me about skeletons
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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