when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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