please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
