Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
