Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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