i permit you to call me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
