Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
