I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
