After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
