Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
