i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
where are my eyebrows?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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